#31 Leveling Up to 42.

Well tomorrow I level up to 42. 42 years on the Earth. I’ve been through a lot.

Depression,anxiety and years of being suicidal.

I have made a lot of mistakes over the years.

I have made a lot of changes though too.

I have changed myself a lot.

The last few months have been crazy. Living and working in the same building has been cool but stressful.

It also led to my early birthday present.

The Crazy Cat Dude got a dog.

It’s different than what I am accustomed to with cats but it’s all good.

She’s a good little dog.

Losing weight from our multiple walks a day.

I can say I am pretty decently happy, I guess is the right word. I am pretty content with the state of affairs in my life at the moment.

I got a roof over my head,food in my stomach and a new furry friend.

All part of my adventure called life to me.

I was having some discussions in comments over on Facebook,on a post about suicide. Which led to another post about life and being evil…maybe I should copy it over to here. But anyway. Someone thanked me for my help when they were going through a rough moment last year. Another person said I had a free and wise heart. I am humbled by their comments.

I don’t know. I just think about stuff a lot. Ask a lot of questions about the world,life, and existence as a whole. I replied that I was a depressive poet in my teens and early twenties. I sorta became a philosopher of sorts over the years with asking all these questions,making a lot of mistakes and just trying to live through all those years of being suicidal.

Next month will mark the three year anniversary of the last time I had a suicidal moment. Three years since I metaphorically speaking died.

Whoever I was prior to 2015,died that July. This new guy is only three years old. I am still growing into him. I am still shedding some old dead pieces of the previous guy. Which means I’m learning or working on stuff that I should have known for years but don’t.

Working out and dealing with things that I should have done years ago. I have been thinking about writing an open letter to the three people I called my best friends growing up. We have grown apart over the years and I just want to get some of it off my chest for my well being before I make the final decision on keeping them as part of my life.

That’s neither here nor there though.

I have made it through another year.

Here’s to another one about to start.

Abide well my friends.

Cheers

The Reverend Mad Cat or Dog Steve.

Advertisements

#30 A Year of Adventure and Renewal.

A few days late but better late than never as they say.

I’ve been super busy with work that I just haven’t had a chance to to sit down and write this.

It has been a year since I left my hometown and traveled over a thousand miles to Tampa.

And what a year it has been. I barely worked and had very little money but I managed to have a roof over my head and food in my belly the entire time. There were rough spots here and there in the physical realm and in the mental one but I survived and have thrived.

School went okay,not as well as planned but okay.

I’ve met a lot of interesting people,good people and not so good people over the year.

I’m still transforming into a new person. Still do not know who this new dude is going to be,in the long run. That is the journey that is called life.

I’m reminded of this quote from Mohammed Ali.

“The Man Who Views the World at 50 the Same as He Did at 20 Has Wasted 30 Years of His Life.” Nov 1, 2014

I’ve been in a way the same person since I was a teenager. I have wasted a good portion of my life. The past couple of years have been the most transformative. Most especially since I conquered my suicidal thoughts. Not having that demon whispering in my own mind has been the key to all the change that has happened and is happening with me.

The way of the Dude has been the best change for me. Learning to abide.

Abide all things. Sometimes you have to be a uncool and be a Walter. There are rules man. Otherwise mark it zero and move on to the next frame. The wisdom of abiding is knowing when to be the Dude and when to be Walter.

I’ve had moments with my depression while down here but compared to back in my hometown they were easy. They still sucked but I still made it through.

Now working and living in the same place is cool. Money in my pocket,food in my belly and a roof over my head can’t ask for much more.

Relationship wise I am not involved with anyone nor am I really interested. So I guess I have taken myself off the market.

I am more focused on my path for the future than anything else. I also just think that my way now may not lead to such things.

Mininmalism in all things I don’t own much,don’t need much or want much for myself.

A simple single person home with self sustaining garden is in the plans. I have some designs in my head as to the layout of the building itself but have not drawn them out yet. Well I’m still reaserching what I want to do. The details that I want to include. Location,most definitely some place warm that doesn’t get to cold during winter.

A fellow Dude is setting up the first temple of The Latter-Day Dude in Missouri. I may travel there sometime in the future and abide with some fellow Dudes for a time.

A lot of interesting things on the horizon.

Adventures to be had.

Namaste my brothers and sisters Namaste.

The Reverend Mad Cat Steve

#29 Failure to Launch

I’ve been thinking about this for awhile.

I’m 41,don’t have a college degree (and a ton of debt trying to get one),the longest I have ever held a job is 5 years,I have no savings,I have no wealth,I really haven’t done anything with my life.

I identify with the failure to launch idea. I have so many different interests. That trying to narrow down and focus on just one not only feels impossible,the very idea is terrifying in its own way.

I think for some of us being told as children that we can grow up and be anything we want is just way to many options. Like myself with so many varying degrees of interest,how can you narrow it down. The standard college education format doesn’t really work. There is so much that I would like to study that the given format at the majority of schools for degree progress does not work. I feel that it hinders and holds me back.

I think for others that could be given the label is probably the same reason.

While part of me wants to settle down on a few acres of land and farm just to take care of myself.

The other part of me wants to travel the earth and research and write about music,plants and animals documenting it all. While also creating fictional worlds,stories and music of my own.

How do I create an education that will give me the knowledge and skills to do so without spending a fortune in money I don’t have and a fortune in whatever time I have left on earth and be able to survive?

#28 The Year of 42.

I realized on my birthday that is was not me becoming 41 but actually me COMPLETING/FINISHING 41 years of life. Gaining enough experience to complete level 41 and start progression on level 42.

I am now 17 days into my 42nd year of life.(at the time I began writing this)

And if anyone has read DouglasAdams Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy knows 42 is the Ultimate Answer to Life,Universe, and Everything.

As a Dudeist,this makes sense.

42= Don’t Panic/Take It Easy Man

42= I know where my towel is.

42= Abide.

42= Be in the now,it is the only time I to work with. The past doesn’t exit except as a flawed memory in our minds and the future is always becoming the new NOW.

42=I have the collected knowledge of the whole world in my pocket at all times. If I don’t know something I can look it up. Much like the actual Hitchhikers Guide described in the books.

42=If I cannot Abide something but I cannot change it,Abide until I can make the change.

42=I have accepted myself as best as I can.

42=I have chosen/been given a path for my life and I am following it.

42=My path is not for everyone,it is for me. If someone has a similar path and we can vibe with each other cool. If not also cool.

The Year of 42.

It is going to be interesting.

Take it easy pet a cat.

The Reverend Mad Cat Steve.

#27 Once More With the Sun

Well​ my birthday is coming up again at the time I begin this writing it is 3 days away.

Time again to sit in retrospection and recap my year. Take stock of how I have developed.

Well since last year. I have quit two jobs, lost one,moved twice and lost my furry life partner. Battled my depression over Christmas and New Years. That all happened over the course of 9 months.

In March. I chose to leave a bad living situation and relocate over a thousand miles away. I may still be having trouble finding steady work but the positives outweigh the negatives.

Positives

  1. I’ve lost weight.
  2. I’ve become physically healthier than I have been in a long time.
  3. Found my spiritual connection to the world.
  4. Enrolled in school
  5. Determined my values
  6. Determined my short and long-term goals.
  7. Became a Dudeist Preist.
  8. I’m seeing someone,she’s pretty cool.
  9. I’m off my meds.
  10. Dealing with my anxiety better.

Negatives

  1. Had 4 pretty bad anxiety attacks.
  2. Still don’t have a steady job.

That’s all just off the top of my head.

I’m in a transitory phase in my life.

Becoming Reverend Hersh and discovering who this dude is.

Taking it easy. The Dudeist Way is the best change for me. Now I just tell myself this and it helps my anxiety attacks go away.

I’ve had so many positive experiences. 

Made new friends CJ an older (black) man who’s a veteran resembles Danny Glover but reminds me of Morgan Freeman, Roswell my friend of Spaniard descent who looks Mexican even though he isn’t,the girl I am seeing with her dark ebony skin and lively attitude she helps keep me grounded and my success coach without that leadership class I would still have no idea where I am headed with my life.  And a host of other people have contributed to my growth as a man in this world. All the people online who I may never get to meet in person from those that have been around for awhile to my newly added fellow Dudeists.

My personal development into a better person than I even thought possible. None of it would have happened if I hadn’t taken the risk and left town​. The best short notice decision I have ever made. 

Next year is the year of 42. 

Don’t Panic,Take It Easy,Yes-I know where my towel is and Life Is Just a Ride.

So thank you all for being a part of this journey that is my life. 

We are currently in the prologue of a new book for me. So not only am I defining who I am. I am also deciding who gets to stay and who gets unfortunately left behind. 

Come abide with me. 

Namaste my brothers and sisters Namaste.

The Reverend.

The Madman Without A Cat.

#26 Vision for the future.

A follow-up to the last post. 

Again super busy with school, trying to find a place to live, and steady work.

But my vision for my future is clear.

My Vision

My personal life  Vision is to improve the well-being of all felines from the common house cat to large predatory cats. To be an advocate for large predatory cat conservation efforts. Being the public voice of feline and dude relationships. I plan to establish the First Temple of the Crazy Cat Dude,which would be the first physical Church of the Latter-Day Dude. A peaceful site where cats who have been long awaiting adoption due to age or health problems can live out their nine lives happily cared for. I desire to become physically fit so I may continue my vision for all feline kind through the rest of my days. 

The Reverend

The Madman Without A Cat.

#25 Leadership,Values,Mission

In the past weeks,I have been super busy.

Enrolling in school, getting a job and taking an intensive 2 week Leadership program. 

I now finally have a free moment. 

While college and work were very important the Leadership class has had then most impact on my life. 

Walking into it I didn’t really known what I was getting myself into. I am glad that I did. The class forced me to actually do things I had been meaning to do for a long time. 

Being figuring out my Core Values, my Goals and Objectives for my life,what is my life’s Mission and my Vision for my future.

While I did a very specific version just for the class. Doing these things gave me the tools to know how and feel empowered. 

While we narrowed down to 5 core values in class,I feel better with 10.

So I’ll list them in order of importance 

My Core Values are

1. Compassion 

2. Wisdom

3. Humor

4. Positive Attitude 

5. Feline Well-Being

6. Simplicity 

7. Leadership 

8. Leisure 

9. Fitness 

10. Change

My Mission 

Is to create a Cat Sanctuary and the first physical Church of the Latter-Day Dude and for that place wherever it may be located to be known as The Temple of the Crazy Cat Dude. Where compassion for all felines no matter their status of health. To be an advocate of feline adoption, care and quality of life. To be an advocate for large predatory felines preservation. To be know as Reverend Crazy Cat Doctor Dude who will treat your feline companion as if they were one of his own. 

So I chose now to ignore those things that hinder my growth into that being.

I thank my Mentor/Success Coach who taught this class for giving me the tools and the fire to actually do these and finally finding my purpose in life. 

Namaste my brothers and sisters Namaste. 

The Reverend 

The Madman Without A Cat