#13 Ugh

I don’t know what is happening in my life? Everything is falling apart. I have been forced to stay here by my own stupid decisions. Those same decisions mean I am flat broke right now. 

Job hunting has yet to pan out. I am still looking.  

Every day bleeds into the next so much that I forget what day it is. Next thing I know another week has ended.

I understand that I am depressed because of all this. I would rather sleep than get up and face another repeated day of nothing. I am just mentally, physically and spiritually worn out.

It is hard to stay and be positive when life is constantly throwing negative at you.

I am thankful to have a roof over my head and some food in my stomach at the moment. 

The biggest problem with no money now is if a job interview isn’t actually here in town, I have no way to get to the interview. 

These weeks have just brought me low. 

Something needs to happen. I don’t know what? Things need to get better. 

I feel disconnected from life.

I am just writing to keep abreast of my own mental state.

I am low. I just don’t know what to do. I am lost. 

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#12 Update,Stress,Making the Best

Well it’s been a while. 

Sometimes the best ideas don’t work as hoped or planned. 

Been job hunting locally, since things didn’t work out for the big move/disappeance.

Alas,I shall go on and prevail.

Job interview tomorrow,first place to finally call. I am pretty much broke right now,so I kinda need this to work out.

Needless to say the stress has had me depressed a bit and everyday has been an all day panic atattack.

I ‘ll make it though.

 I have no choice.

So it looks like I am staying around here. I still won’t be around much though. Still have to focus on the future.

I did get things worked out with financial aid for school. So it looks like I will be going back after the new year. So that’s a positive note.

So here’s to the future. 

I haven’t given up by a long shot,even though I have had my doubts. 

I just want to be secure and happy. 

This WILL all work out for the positive one way or another. 

#11 Blog Changes

Along with personal life changes,there will,be changes here also.

This will still be about my personal life and health. 

Additions will hope to include 

  1. New Music Reviews 
  2. My Band/Solo Project 
  3. Shameless self promotion. 
  4. A new pet to go on about in the future. 

Social Anxiety, Akwardness, Lack of Confidence and Fear just in general has held me back. This new future I am building involves working on overcoming these issues. 

My band is a solo project with a band name it is just me no-one else. 

Daemon Ex Machina (Demon in the Machine) it’s on my Facebook page.

I am building a new me.

A new me with the confidence to step forward and be the center of attention. 

Big things in the future. 

Namaste

#10 Big Changes, Moving On With Life

Today marks 28 days since the death of my #furrylifepartner Louie and 7 days since I lost my job.

I made some big decisions since last week. 

Important decisions for my personal happiness. 

This is my life and I am seeking my happiness. If you get left behind or treated as an afterthought,sorry this is about me now. I know with my poor communication skills for the past,well few years for some of my frfriend,it may not seem this way but I have been holding myself back for you. I came home for family and friends and things are different now.

Things change,people change,I have changed,nothing stays the same forever. 

I know that you care but really you’ll just try to hold me back for fear of my safety and well being. 

I love you all but I have to love and take care of myself more. 

So I take these steps forward into the future. 

I wrote about this months ago on Facebook. 

This part of my life is over. I am closing the cover of this book in the multiple part book that is my life. I take everything I learned and I start a new book filled with the things I really want. 

A host of new experiences and people lay ahead of me.

I am nervous. 

I am also super excited. 

Namaste

-note this was started on Wednesday but I unfortunately deleted the original version and had to start over.