#15 New Year. Remembering. Moving Forward. Doing Better.

Namaste my brothers and sisters. 

Things got a little rough there for a bit. 

I restarted one medication and life also started to smooth out a bit finally.

So I am doing much better now.

Winter has always been a bit of rough patch mentally. Well the holidays really. Since my mother died back in 2005 it just hasn’t been the same. Really I remember what the holidays were like when I was much younger and fondly and they just aren’t that way anymore. I realized that they were never going to be that way again and it dragged me down a good bit.

Now over a month into the New Year the cloud of winter darkness over my mind is starting to lift.


Working again helps. Conversing with coworkers today in particular helped.

I remembered about relaxing and being positive about things.

I am not exactly sure where my path in life is leading me. Which makes me a little anxious.

I am hopeful though it will all work out.

I know a few things.

I am an anarchist,I want no part of our government or any government. I want to live peacefully without being bothered. 

If that means I become a hermit of some sort living away from people, so be it. I’ve always wanted to live away from people, quitely. If that means by myself, so be it.

I am just being positive about the way I feel life is pulling me. It will maybe take a while to get moving in whatever way I may be going. 

It’s cool though. 

Whatever way I am going I am positive it will be for the better.

I am kinda focusing on what I want out of life in the long run.

You know?


Why am I here?

Why have I bothered to keep surviving all the years of being suicidal?

I stayed alive out of hope that maybe I’ll finally find that purpose. At least I think that’s why?

Maybe it is I need to go on my figurative Holy Grail Quest.

Or more appropriately actually start it. Instead of holding back out of fear.

I will figure it out. 

I am still just trying to be a better me than I was yesterday. 

Peace and Love my friends.

The Madman Without A Cat.