#32 I’m Going on An Adventure. A Dude Going His Own Way.

Well I packed up my backpack and rolled out of a another town and state. I had everything ready,worked my last shift and then left the building by the fire escape (the doors aren’t alarmed). No one saw me leave,I vanished like a ghost.

Now it’s 24 hours since I slipped out that door.

I didn’t notify my boss until early this morning when I was one state and and different time zone away that I was resigning. Once he awoke and read it he was actually very positive. Telling me the door is open if I were ever to decide to come back.

Living and working in the same place sounds cool at first but there are hangups to it. People tend to forget that you are not on the clock 24/7.

I got sick back on mothers day and I’m still not sure if I have fully recovered. Other events at work that led to an increased work load for me and very little time for myself. Well alone Summer the dog I took in and then asked a friend to take care after only a month. I have not slept truly restfully in probably a couple of months.

I finally broke. I told my boss in my resignation that I was mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically broken from the abuse work had put me through. And the only way for me to be able to repair the damage was to quit and leave town.

An adventure again I roll across the highways of America to a new destination. This time I will say. I am going from Tampa,Florida all the way to Denver,Colorado. As I am writing this I am somewhere in Mississippi now, headed to Louisiana for a bit before my transfer in Dallas,Texas for the final leg of my trip.

Role-playing game anology time. Part of the game is exploring the map and finding new locations and experiences so you can level up. Tampa was a map I explored,met other characters and earned plenty of experience in. Now I am on the traveling and grinding part of exploring the map. There is no “inn” in sight and the save points are far and few between.

I am looking forward to this though. Denver where my favorite plant Cannabis is fully legal. Other than wanting to work with animals, wanting to work in the Cannabis industry has been a dream. The possibilities are endless and so is the supply. Plenty of coin to earn. I got a knowledgeable connection in town, willing to show me around.

I am just a Dude Going His Own Way.

The Reverend Mad Cat Steve

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#31 Leveling Up to 42.

Well tomorrow I level up to 42. 42 years on the Earth. I’ve been through a lot.

Depression,anxiety and years of being suicidal.

I have made a lot of mistakes over the years.

I have made a lot of changes though too.

I have changed myself a lot.

The last few months have been crazy. Living and working in the same building has been cool but stressful.

It also led to my early birthday present.

The Crazy Cat Dude got a dog.

It’s different than what I am accustomed to with cats but it’s all good.

She’s a good little dog.

Losing weight from our multiple walks a day.

I can say I am pretty decently happy, I guess is the right word. I am pretty content with the state of affairs in my life at the moment.

I got a roof over my head,food in my stomach and a new furry friend.

All part of my adventure called life to me.

I was having some discussions in comments over on Facebook,on a post about suicide. Which led to another post about life and being evil…maybe I should copy it over to here. But anyway. Someone thanked me for my help when they were going through a rough moment last year. Another person said I had a free and wise heart. I am humbled by their comments.

I don’t know. I just think about stuff a lot. Ask a lot of questions about the world,life, and existence as a whole. I replied that I was a depressive poet in my teens and early twenties. I sorta became a philosopher of sorts over the years with asking all these questions,making a lot of mistakes and just trying to live through all those years of being suicidal.

Next month will mark the three year anniversary of the last time I had a suicidal moment. Three years since I metaphorically speaking died.

Whoever I was prior to 2015,died that July. This new guy is only three years old. I am still growing into him. I am still shedding some old dead pieces of the previous guy. Which means I’m learning or working on stuff that I should have known for years but don’t.

Working out and dealing with things that I should have done years ago. I have been thinking about writing an open letter to the three people I called my best friends growing up. We have grown apart over the years and I just want to get some of it off my chest for my well being before I make the final decision on keeping them as part of my life.

That’s neither here nor there though.

I have made it through another year.

Here’s to another one about to start.

Abide well my friends.

Cheers

The Reverend Mad Cat or Dog Steve.

#27 Once More With the Sun

Well​ my birthday is coming up again at the time I begin this writing it is 3 days away.

Time again to sit in retrospection and recap my year. Take stock of how I have developed.

Well since last year. I have quit two jobs, lost one,moved twice and lost my furry life partner. Battled my depression over Christmas and New Years. That all happened over the course of 9 months.

In March. I chose to leave a bad living situation and relocate over a thousand miles away. I may still be having trouble finding steady work but the positives outweigh the negatives.

Positives

  1. I’ve lost weight.
  2. I’ve become physically healthier than I have been in a long time.
  3. Found my spiritual connection to the world.
  4. Enrolled in school
  5. Determined my values
  6. Determined my short and long-term goals.
  7. Became a Dudeist Preist.
  8. I’m seeing someone,she’s pretty cool.
  9. I’m off my meds.
  10. Dealing with my anxiety better.

Negatives

  1. Had 4 pretty bad anxiety attacks.
  2. Still don’t have a steady job.

That’s all just off the top of my head.

I’m in a transitory phase in my life.

Becoming Reverend Hersh and discovering who this dude is.

Taking it easy. The Dudeist Way is the best change for me. Now I just tell myself this and it helps my anxiety attacks go away.

I’ve had so many positive experiences. 

Made new friends CJ an older (black) man who’s a veteran resembles Danny Glover but reminds me of Morgan Freeman, Roswell my friend of Spaniard descent who looks Mexican even though he isn’t,the girl I am seeing with her dark ebony skin and lively attitude she helps keep me grounded and my success coach without that leadership class I would still have no idea where I am headed with my life.  And a host of other people have contributed to my growth as a man in this world. All the people online who I may never get to meet in person from those that have been around for awhile to my newly added fellow Dudeists.

My personal development into a better person than I even thought possible. None of it would have happened if I hadn’t taken the risk and left town​. The best short notice decision I have ever made. 

Next year is the year of 42. 

Don’t Panic,Take It Easy,Yes-I know where my towel is and Life Is Just a Ride.

So thank you all for being a part of this journey that is my life. 

We are currently in the prologue of a new book for me. So not only am I defining who I am. I am also deciding who gets to stay and who gets unfortunately left behind. 

Come abide with me. 

Namaste my brothers and sisters Namaste.

The Reverend.

The Madman Without A Cat.

#22 Taking It Easy,Job Hunting In a New City

Well I have been here at my undisclosed location for a bit now.

I love it here,every day is blessedly warm. Which for the self professed plant man that I am is very welcome change of environment. It has been in the upper 70s to low 80s the past week or so. I am loving it.

My switching store locations for work didn’t go as planned but that is okay.

I have been applying for jobs related to very differing interests animal shelters and fitness centers. I have been wanting to work with animals for awhile now and I have been wanting to work in a fitness environment to keep myself from having an excuse not to get exercise and get into shape. I have no doubt about getting work in either of these fields just waiting to hear back on my applications. 

This new version of me is not stressed in the least.

I guess becoming a Dudeist Reverend has really taken to my mind and soul. The previous incarnation would be freaking out right now. This newly reborn version knows just to breath deep relax,take it easy and everything will sort itself out for the best. 

Even though this move wasn’t planned out as well as it could have been due to the rapid change on the time table. 

I have no complaints. 

I am happier than I ever thought I could be again. 

There will be a cat again in the future and maybe a dog too. 

Then this will be a chronicle of my adventures with my furry partners.

🙂

The Madman Without A Cat  (for now)

The Rev.

Namaste my brothers and sisters Namaste. 

#21 Lessons-1

I’ve learned a lot about myself on this adventure thus far. 

Lessons about life.

I am just chronicling my recognized changes for myself really.

1 Humble-I thought I was before. I am not bragging about any of this. Nor do I want praise.

2 Generosity-I may not have much right now. I honestly don’t know how much money I have given away on the journey thus far. Nor do I care. I am fortunately blessed right now. If someone who is nowhere doing near as well as I am asks for a dollar or two to grab some food I am going to give it to them. It is the humane thing to do.

3 Grace-I am fortunately and thankfully blessed  with everything I have right now.

4 Peaceful-oddly my mind has calmed down. The chaotic maelstrom that has been for so many years a part of my daily thinking experience has calmed to a light drizzle with the occasional clap of thunder and peal of lightning.

Monday March 13th 2017.

I walked out of the life I had,the person I was and on family and friends I had.

I allowed myself to die.

Who I was is dead.

And I am glad.

I gave up on everything I thought I needed to be happy.

I let it all go and surrendered my existence to allow myself to be reborn into someone new.

My depression is virtually gone.

My anxiety is at its lowest level ever.

I am alive.

I am safe.

I am renewed.

I just am.

Namaste

The Madman Without A Cat 

#18 Kaboom,Burning Bridges,Let the Lord of Chaos Reign 

Kaboom!

That was the sound of the  proverbial straw has breaking  the anxiety camel’s back.

I am done living in this situation. 

The arguing, the illegal pain killer use and the other weekend apparently there was cocaine in use while I was sleeping (asked me if I ever tried). I am out. Done.

It is time to go.

Focus on my own wellbeing. 

To my friends.

I am sorry there will be no in person goodbyes. 

I have to go for my own safety. 

I doubt you’ll ever see me in person again.

I don’t even know right now if I will still have a web presence. 

A couple of you will think I am an asshole for not making good on my word to you.

Sorry but I have to take care of myself first. 

To my family please don’t worry. 

I have been thinking about this for awhile. 

Today pushed me to it.(Monday)

I need this.

My grail quest begins now. 

When I post this I will be far out of town seeking adventure and a new life.

I love you all.

The Madman Without a Cat

#17 You Can’t Save Everyone.

This an old lesson. One I learned a very long time ago. That seems to pop up every now and again.

No matter how well intentioned you may be: you can’t save everyone,some don’t realized they need saved and some don’t want to be.

Now for note I am NOT using the term saved in any sort of Christian conversion to Jesus meaning. Solely as a term of genuinely wanting to help someone out for their own benefit because you care.

I am not really talking about addicts though they do count. 

Sometimes no matter how much you want to help,your help is unwanted. Sometimes thrown back in your face. 

I don’t want your help. 

I don’t need your help.

I am fine on my own.

I have been there before. 

Trying to help people in that state will be toxic to your own well being. So sadly you have to let them be and just hope they do better.

Sadly also sometimes the very thing they need saved from is themselves. 

Even some may have help in certain areas in their life such as a therapist,psychiatrist or a religious leader but you as friend see they are still not doing well. Though they think they can handle it. 

I usually step back and hope for the best for them.

Though I wonder if certain questions were asked if it would help matters. 

Or a conversation like this.

“You see a therapist, how’s that working out for you? Because as your friend you don’t seem to be doing to well and I’m concerned.”

Or

“You don’t seem to be too happy with the way your life is. I don’t know what tools you are using but maybe you should try something new.”

I don’t know.

I have been unhappy and unhealthy in a lot of ways.

I wish someone would have said anything like above to me years ago. 

I now do my best to reevaluate what I am doing frequently. Take a step back and see how its been working. 

Example: deciding to go back on one of my antidepressants. Because I had lost some of the control they had given me over my mental state.

Or changing my diet to lose weight. 

Staying open to anything that may help I think is the key for each and every one of us.

Your therapist not really helping anymore, ask for a new one.

Your diet not working time to change it.

Your spiritual practice or lack thereof holding you back time to try something new. 

Go outside your box.

It surprisingly may be the thing that leads you to the happiness you have been seeking all your life .

Namaste

The Madman WIthout A Cat